The Little Black Book

Someone asked me the other day why I think people get divorced so quickly? I know that there are many reasons why people get divorced, but I think one of the main reasons is the little black book we secretly keep.

Most of us don’t even know that we have such a thing, but let me tell you this much – we all have one. Now I am not talking about us keeping dirty little secrets from our partners. I am talking about all the grudges we hold against each another. The worst thing about having an argument is that we always drag all the baggage of the past into it.

This becomes so bad that we end up separating because, I do not want to live with someone that constantly reminds me of the mistakes I made in the past, especially if I asked for forgiveness and that person told me that they forgive me.

The reason we do these things is because it hurts us and no human being like to be emotionally scared. There is nothing in this world as bad as emotional abuse. We all do it all the time and every day. Ever heard the expression hit him where it hurts? People know that if they really want to tick me off they must say something about my children or my weight; because those are the things I am most sensitive about.

One thing that we must understand about the past is that it is a done deal. There are so many people that loose their chance on true happiness because they dwell on the past.

One of my friends has a really terrific girlfriend, she is everything he ever wanted in a woman. There is just one very small problem. She was married; there were no children however my friend is devastated and very frustrated in this relationship, because she always compares him with her ex-husband. I know why she is doing it, she got hurt and she is trying to avoid that pain. Because of this hurt she is now loosing a great boyfriend.

All of us do that. We carry a big bag of the past on our backs that is so heavy. We walk into the future all bent forward and not able to see all the great opportunities that surround us. The sad thing about this is that we carry this baggage and we cannot do anything to change it.

The secret about forgiveness is it has to start with ourselves. We cannot forgive ourselves for the things we did in the past yet we expect God and others to forgive us. We keep on reminding them about it because we remind ourselves about it so often. We cannot change the past. The only thing about the past that we can take into the future in our memories and we cannot change memories.

True love forgives each other without keeping a record off all the bad things that happened in the past. The past is behind us and there is nothing we can do about it no matter how hard we try and how tight we hold onto it.