Have you ever had a close look at the word “relationship”. It exists out of two sub-words namely – “relation” (which according to the dictonary means the way in which two or more people are connected) and “ship” (which is a big floating vessel).
When we are in a relationship there was something that connected us together, whether it is a friendship , marriage or a serious relationship, but we had something in common. We all know that a ship needs a good captain. Espesially when the sea’s are a bit rough from time to time. If the Captain is not capable of steering the boat it will surely run into trouble and sink.
The same with our relationships. We so very often run into trouble water and call it quits, without even trying to make it work. I have recently watched the movie “What happens in Vegas” and I had a good laugh but I also realised that there is something more to the movie than just a good comedy. This is what I loved about the movie. Instead of granting the two their wish and giving them a divorce, the judge sentenced them to 6 months of hard marriage. They tried everything to prove that they do not belong together, yet for those standing on the outside they were a perfect match. In the end their wish was granted and they did get divorced only to realise that they actually wanted to be married all along.
How many of us are in an unhappy marraige at the moment. We fight all the time – if it is not about the children it is about money , or because we think our partner is having an affair. I think we sometimes forget that we promised each other to stick together no matter what. Maybe it is because we forget that the relationship needs a captain. A lot of my friends always tell me that they wish their marriages were like mine. The truth is we also have our rought seas, the difference is we both have the same captain steering our boat.
A relationship is not just about love, it is also about trust, and faith. We need to trust each other. It doesn’t help that the minute your husband or wife walks out of the door and comes home late from work that you accuse them of having an affair. Have you ever asked yourself why do you feel insecure, so much so that you think your spouse is cheating on you? Is it something that happened to you in a previous relationship or do you just have a low self esteem?
I confronted my husband one day accusing him of cheating on me. The great thing was he did not get upset about it, he took me and sat me down on the couch and took my hands and told me ” I can have any woman in the world, yet I married you.” I then realised that he truly wanted to be with me and that no other woman will make him feel the way I could.
I know a girl who lost her husband to another woman, yes he cheated on her. When we asked him why he did it he told us that she begged him to cheat on her. She was always accusing him of cheating even though at that stage he did not even consider it. She planted the seed in his head to actually try it because that is what she wanted. She accused him of something he did not do. The more he denied it the more she called him a liar and the more they fought. He decided that he might as well do it since he is being accused of it.
This is where faith and trust comes in, not in your partner but in yourself. You must have faith that you made the right decision and you must trust yourself as well as your partner to make the marriage work. If your marrage is build on faith, trust and love you have a very strong foundation that can take the occasional wind and stormy weather.
Relationship and marriage is hard work, but it is the best thing I have ever done in my life. It takes understanding and sacrifices but it is all done in love.
Relationships are probably one of the most complicated things we have in life. Not just the relationships we have as partners, or husband and wife, but also the relationship we have as friends and parents with our children. While I was teaching a lot of the young teenage girls asked me what I thought true love was. It was one of those things a lot of us think about all the time.
I know so many couples who after 13 or 15 years of being together just suddenly give up on their marriage or relationship. We so often get hurt or hurt our partners and the sad thing is that most of us are not willing to carry on and give it another shot. When things get tough we see a lawyer and get a divorce and that is when I ask myself the question, “Is it true love” or were we just head over heels in love when we stepped into the relationship for the first time and everything was moonshine and roses?
Is there truly a difference between the two and I think there is. You know that butterfly over the top feeling you get when you look at a guy; that is being in love. True love is a more and deeper feeling that starts in the heart and no matter what goes wrong never gives up on the person you love. That is true love.
True love never gives up on a relationship. No matter how bad it has become. People always told me that a relationship is a 50/50 partnership and I so have to disagree about that. A relationship is either you give everything or you don’t give anything at all. Once you learn in your relationship to give everything without always expecting anything back you will soon realise that your partner is doing the same. Love grows continuously every day. The love for my husband and children never stops growing and even in the times it feels that they don’t love me back I know deep down that they do.
My grandfather told me that the people who love you the most are the people who hurt you the most. I know we do not like to be criticised by our partners but maybe they are doing it because they love us. Another thing I learnt is that if you truly love someone you accept that person the way they are. At lot of men always complain that their wives were fine when they dated but once they get married they try to change them and vice versa. Men also try to change their wives. True love accepts each other the way we are. Once we learn to accept one another for what we are, the respect will follow and we will not do the things that drive each other nuts. I know a lot of woman are very sensitive about the toilet seat and it will drive them insane if it is not the way they like it, and there will be endless fights about it. These are unnecessary things. If he forget it up, just put it down girl – it is in their nature. The same with leaving towels on the bathroom floor – just pick it up, and gentlemen if you know that these things drive your woman mad just try and remember to just pick up the wet towel and put the seat down, we call that consideration. Just think of each other when you do something and think of how that person will respond to you action once you learn this you will never have those ridiculous fights in your relationship.
In true love we consider one another as being the most important person.
I recently attended a talk by Dr John Demartini, and learnt a very important lesson from his talk. Love is one of the most vital components in life because without it you are pretty much stuck. To most of us love is something that comes naturally. We love our children and our spouses. We care for the elders. What about those people who in one way or another have hurt us so badly that we cannot help but feel hate towards them?
Living in South Africa is a great challenge. People fear for their lives. they are confused and sometimes feel helpless, especially those who have lost loved ones because of acts of crime and injustice. How are they suppose to love these people that have hurt them?
So many of us are holding on to the bad things that happened to us in our childhood. We allow ourselves to carry this with us and everywhere we go we bring up those things. We allow the things that other people say to us to influence our lives in such a way that we allow opportunities to pass us by.
One thing that I have learnt in my live is that I will not receive a challenge unless I am equipt to overcome it. In every challenge lies a golden opportunity. I think as humans we became so relient upon ourselves that we lost sight of God and the power He gave us to live our lives. I know there are a lot of people out there that say you have to be in control of your life, but they miss the concept that if God is in control of your life then you are in control of your life.
With unconditional love God gives us the strength and the ability to live our lives to the fullest. All we need to do is to believe and trust. The love of God for us as humans is so great that he sacrificed His Son for us to be free.
It is hard to love the ones that hurt you, but if you don’t forgive them you will always carry the baggage around with you and this baggage will become the obstacle to your success.
With love we can conquer the world.